Last summer I attended a workshop about the ins and outs of publishing. One of the first questions she asked was ‘What is your Why?’ So in this poem I have addressed that very question, because honestly I didn’t know the whole answer! So how do I figure this out? By writing! And how and when do I learn the best? By asking myself those really challenging questions!
I’m looking back on the writing I’ve done over the last two and a half years of my trauma recovery journey. I’ve realized that it is essential for processing the trauma, and it is crucial for the healing I’m yearning for.
I hope reading this helps you find your own answer for ‘Why?’ Why are you working on your recovery? Why do you go to therapy? What other things are you questioning “Why?”
Why Do I Write?
That’s a very good question!
It started out just writing in my own journal
But it has now expanded to include poetry and articles
All about mental health stuff and my journey of healing from trauma
It’s deep, and I’m not afraid to dive in and ‘get dirty’
Because plunging into the depths of my mind is where healing happens
Each poem I write explores different parts of me inside
Sometimes I just scrutinize the true meaning of one emotion
Or investigate different aspects of where I am in my journey
Or consider what I’m feeling or thinking in the moment
Whatever comes up as I look at the blank page in front of me
Wondering what the next thought will be
It is very painful, as the emotional trauma is released out onto the page
Blurting out the pain, with screaming coming from a deep place within
The anger I feel towards what is causing that pain
Or questioning why it’s even happening in the first place
Because it has affected every aspect of my life
The pain is real, it wounds and can’t be seen on the outside
Sometimes I write when I have those lightbulb moments
Where through the work that I have done over weeks or months
Suddenly turns into a wondrous realization of something so beautiful
That I can’t help but shout it out loud because it’s just that important!
And I take one more step forward with each realization!
They are truly treasures to cherish, I want to share them with everyone!
Then there’s times when there’s a really tough topic I want to address
And I do research, I study, I investigate, I consider the possibilities
I gather all the information that I feel I need
And I write to convey what I have learned, the ideas, the concepts
So that others who may have similar experiences can relate
And maybe they will have their lightbulb moments too
My writing is rather spontaneous, and not planned out
I think people have called it “stream of consciousness writing”
I also call it a ‘mind dump’ or ‘word vomit’
Depending on how I’m feeling that day, or what kind of mood I’m in
All I know is that it occurs out of the blue, very impromptu
And often it just flows from my mind so fast I can barely keep up!
I was asked about the ‘Why’ of my writing
Could it possibly help to dispel the stigma of Mental Illness?
The largest part of my “why” is telling my story to others
I’m hoping someone else can relate to it and learn something
Maybe to help others in their deepest moments of fear, anger, grief
To be able to get out of that bottomless pit that they’re stuck in
I hope this conveys the importance of every word I put on a page
And how it’s cathartic for me, relatable for you
It’s how I want to reach out to others to support them, to support you
To make that valuable connection that pulls us all together
To lean on and be there for each other, to create strong relationships
Maybe be able to find our ‘new normal’, and do more than just exist
In this journey through this experience and adventure called LIFE